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Fic -- Blinding Them With Science
Title: Blinding Them With Science
Rating: G
Word Count: 835
Characters: Trickster, Dr. Alchemy (Alvin), Pied Piper, Mirror Master, Captain Boomerang, Captain Cold, Weather Wizard.
Summary: Never encourage James.
Warnings: None
Notes: Canonverse. This is runenklinge's birthday fic for THIS year! Her prompt: "Traditional mad scientist". (I haven't forgotten katzedecimal -- hers is written and will be posted after a bit more editing.)

“James, why the hell are you dressed that way?” Hartley asked while facepalming. James had shown up at the Rogues’ hangout wearing a labcoat with his hair all wild, although most of the others were too disinterested to comment on it.
“I’ve reinvented myself!” James declared proudly, his face utterly beaming. “No longer am I The Trickster: Gag-Gadget Guy. Now I’m Dr. JJ: Mad Scientist! See?” He pulled a beaker out of his pocket, which was simmering with an alarming green liquid, and a plastic brain from another pocket. “A real monkey brain!”
(It was in fact not real, and this was quite obvious.)

Alvin Desmond looked up from his seat on the couch. He’d decided that he wanted to hang out with the Rogues for a while despite never receiving an invitation, and the others were tired of him and his pranks. He liked to turn beer to acid right as people drank it. He liked to turn the television to exotic substances whenever the Rogues watched channels he didn’t enjoy. And turning Lisa’s underwear to gold got stale after the third time.

“Hey, that’s my shtick!” Alvin protested when he saw Trickster’s new get-up. “You’re horning in on my thing!”
“What are you talking about?” James asked, confused. “You don’t dress like this at all. You have a stone and a silly kerchief hood.”
“Yes, but I’m a mad scientist!” retorted Alvin. “I do crazy science and stuff.”
“No you don’t, you just transmute substances. Pretty simple, really…pretty boring too,” James said, and Alvin’s face turned as red as his hair when the other Rogues started laughing.
“Albert was a mad scientist, at least when he did the Mr. Element bit. I think there’s room for JJ to do this too,” Mark shrugged, and there was a general nodding from the nearby Rogues. Nobody was quite sure why James wanted a change, but nobody really cared either; he did a lot of stuff the others didn’t truly understand.

“It’s my thing! You’re stealing my brand!” Alvin screeched angrily. The plastic brain was suddenly transmuted into water, soaking James’ leg.
“Yeah, and you stole Albert’s,” Len pointed out, which only made the second Alchemy even more furious.
“He’s my astral twin; it’s just as much mine as his!”
“I don’t believe in ‘astral twins’,” Sam said firmly, crossing his arms. Despite his own history of traveling to weird mirror dimensions and visiting other-dimensional counterparts, he was a confirmed skeptic of anything that couldn’t be observed and proved. And now Alvin was really upset. The only thing keeping him from physically attacking one of the Rogues was the knowledge that the others would immediately dogpile on him and probably kill him.

“Guys, guys, guys…” James announced loudly in the midst of all this tension. “You’re forgetting what’s really important: having cool science stuff! He has the Philosopher’s Potato, and I have this!”
He pulled a plastic skull from another pocket, and when a button was pressed on the cranium, the thing erupted into a disco show -- with flashing multi-coloured strobe lights and bad seventies music that was far too loud.
“But that’s not…that’s not science at all!” Alvin sputtered as the other Rogues laughed helplessly. “It’s just another one of his stupid trick gags!”
“Yeah, but it’s funny,” Digger chuckled. “You ain’t very funny, mate.” He was still pissed about the beer-into-acid stunt.

James pulled out the beaker again and dropped a tiny pellet into it; the mixture began to froth and bubble in a ridiculously exaggerated manner, spilling all over the floor. Digger and Hartley clapped delightedly.
“That’s not mad science, it’s kindergarten-level chemistry!” Alvin bellowed in frustration, noting that people seemed to be enjoying James’ routine more than his. “This is stupid, I’m a far better scientist than he’ll ever be!”
“The day you patent it is the day I’ll step aside,” James said teasingly with his tongue out, and Alvin had decidedly had enough. He got up and stormed out of the safehouse, the floor turning to gooey rubber as he left.

Everybody waited silently for something else to be transmuted, and when nothing happened there was a palpable sense of relief.
“Good going, Jesse, you got rid of him,” Len praised with a hearty clap on the back, and the other guys congratulated him as well. Nobody had liked those transmutation pranks.
“I did it all for science!” James grinned, and started pulling some of the other gag items out of his seemingly-endless pockets. “That was pretty fun, I think I’ll do it again sometime. I bet the Flash’d get a real kick out of Dr. JJ.”
“You actually do make a pretty good mad scientist; you’ve got the ‘mad’ part down pat,” Hartley smiled at him, and James laughed.
“I guess I have! Maybe I really should reinvent myself!”

Even though he reminded them it had been James’ idea, the other Rogues ultimately held Hartley responsible for the ensuing chaos. After all, Piper was supposed to be the responsible one.

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Flash vs. Dr. JJ's Sing-along Blog! know you want to ^_~

The hammer is Flash's-- er, we won't go there :>

jj is a scientist and an entertainer! he's fun...and slightly educational.
no one pranks the rogues except kk, huh? :D
loved it, thank you!

Glad you enjoyed it :) James would make a great Bill Nye type of performer -- maybe not on science per se, but he clearly DOES know science, and could certainly explain the basic stuff to laymen. He'd be really good at explaining tech to people in an entertaining way (whereas I'm sure Roscoe would be really dry). Maybe that's what he should have gone into.

OMG! LOL! This was too fun! XD This is the first fic I've read of yours with the Alchemist in it, and he is decidedly bratty too LOL! :P I really love the mutual reactions you have the Rogues show each other. Very believable 'hanging out' time for them, and that's always nice to experience :)

Thank you, glad you liked it! I think it's the first time I've written either of the Alchemies, actually. And Alvin was definitely a brat (the bit about him changing Lisa's underwear to gold is actually canon). He was far more troublesome than Albert, and I think the Rogues would probably react to that.

Canon golden undies! Nice ;) What did Lisa end up doing about that! XD

She never said, but she seemed to think it kind of amusing. I'd imagine the over-protective men in her life found it less so :>

What issue was that in, I totally have to read it! LOL! Xd

Oh this is awesome! I LOVE moments like this when Rogues and Flash are just hanging out :) It makes my fangirl heart totally flutter! LOL! ;)

It's definitely one of my favourite issues. I own a couple of pages of original art from it :)

Everything under the Gentleman Ghost tag is from that issue too. Although maybe you'd rather wait until you can get an actual copy and read the whole thing.

Oh This is one of my faves! I have read this one! LOL! Love the end when they are all sitting on the curb chatting about the hotel they set on fire LOL! (At least it was something along those lines as it's been awhile sine I read it ;)

Yep, they trashed the hotel while fighting the thugs who came out of Chunk. Fun story!

With the amount of disguises James has had, he probably did reinvent himself at one point into Dr. JJ. He just pulled the labcoat out of storage for this chore. Great job, Tricks! You live up to your name yet again XD

Now that I think of it, I guess Mark Hamill's Trickster wore a labcoat to emulate a mad scientist. It didn't occur to me earlier, but I guess that's what he'd look like :>

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